-- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Story: by the scholar of Judaism Howard Schwartz, from “Gathering Sparks”
…For a long time no one spoke, and then you asked, “Where did all the stars come from?”
And your grandfather said, “Long, long ago, before this world was created, God sent forth ten vessels, like a fleet of ships, each carrying a cargo of light. If those vessels had reached their destination, the world would have been perfect. But the further they traveled, the more fragile they became. Finally the vessels shattered, scattering sparks of light throughout the heavens. And that is how that stars came into being.”
And you said, “Oh.” And you looked up at the sky filled with glowing sparks, and you saw the stars as if for the first time.
Then your grandfather said, “But the sparks did not only fall in heaven, they fell everywhere, in so many places that God needed our help to gather them. That’s why we were created – to gather the sparks, to gather the sparks no matter where they are hidden.”
And you asked, “But how can sparks be gathered?”
And you grandfather said, “Every time you do a good deed, one of the sparks is set free.”…
Meditation: by Mary Oliver, a poem entitled “First Snow”
The snow
began here
this morning and all day
continued, its white
rhetoric everywhere
calling us back to why, how,
whence such beauty and what
the meaning; such
an oracular fever! flowing
past windows, an energy it seemed
would never ebb, never settle
less than lovely! and only now,
deep into night,
it has finally ended.
The silence
is immense,
and the heavens still hold
a million candles, nowhere
the familiar things:
stars, the moon,
the darkness we expect
and nightly turn from. Trees
glitter like castles
of ribbons, the broad fields
smolder with light, a passing
creekbed lies
heaped with shining hills;
and though the questions
that have assailed us all day
remain — not a single
answer has been found –
walking out now
into the silence and the light
under the trees,
and through the fields,
feels like one.
Reading: by the bestselling author M J Ryan, (who according to her website, is also an executive coach and change expert) from This Year I Will…: How to finally change a habit, keep a resolution, or make a dream come true (p. 2)
I believe that people can change. Not just superficially, or temporarily. I believe that we have the ability within us to truly rearrange our inner landscape and make changes happen within ourselves and our lives. … We can make a dream come true or bring something new into being. Big or small, grandiose or humble, we can have the things we want in life.
But it’s not easy, as anyone who has tried to change a habit or do something knows. Our brains create strong tendencies to do the same thing over and over. We say we’re going to change, we may even do it for a little while, but soon we find ourselves back to our old habits…
Reading: by the psychologist Kelly McGonigal from The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and what You can Do to Get More of It (p. 88)
Progress! Progress is good, and making progress on our goals feels good. So good that we like to congratulate ourselves: Well done, you!
Maybe we should think twice before we hand ourselves the gold star. While most of us believe that making progress on our goals spurs us on to greater success, psychologists know we are all too quick to use progress as an excuse for taking it easy.
[Research has] shown that making progress on a goal motivates people to engage in goal-sabotaging behavior. In one study, [researchers] reminded successful dieters of how much progress they had made toward their ideal weight. They then offered the dieters a thank-you gift of either an apple or a chocolate bar. Eighty-five percent of the self-congratulating dieters chose the chocolate bar over the apple, compared with only 58 percent of dieters who were not reminded of their progress. A second study found the same effect for academic goals: Students made to feel good about the amount of time they had spent studying for an exam were more likely to spend the evening playing beer pong with friends…
In practical terms, this means that one step forward gives you permission to take two steps back.
Reading: an anecdote retold in various religious traditions. Here is a Christian version as told by Anthony DeMello (Taking Flight, p. 116)
One day a bishop knelt before the altar and, in an outburst of religious fervor, began to beat his breast and exclaim, “I’m a sinner, have mercy on me! I’m a sinner, have mercy on me!”
The local priest [standing nearby], inspired by this example of humility, fell on his knees beside the bishop and began to beat his breast and say, “I’m a sinner, have mercy on me! I’m a sinner, have mercy on me!”
The sexton who happened to be in church at the time was so moved he could not restrain himself. He too fell on his knees, beat his breast, and cried out, “I’m a sinner, have mercy on me!”
Whereupon the bishop nudged the priest and, pointing toward the sexton, said with a smile, “Look who thinks he is a sinner!”
Better and Better
A Sermon Delivered on January 11, 2015
By
The Reverend Axel H. Gehrmann
“Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.” This saying was first popularized by the 19th century French psychologist Émile Coué. He developed a method of self-hypnosis or autosuggestion that involved repeating this sentence, as a kind of mantra, again and again, maybe twenty times, preferably at the beginning and at the end of every day.
It was Emerson, who said, “that which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives... Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping we are becoming.”
Coué took that notion one step further. He believed that whatever idea exclusively occupies our minds turns into reality. If we are sick, we are more likely to get well, if we say to ourselves “I am feeling better. I am feeling better,” than if we say, “I feel sick. I feel sick.”
Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better… What do you think – if you repeat these words again and again, will you really get better? Is this an exercise in self-improvement or and example of self-delusion?
I do think many of us would like to get better and better. I know I certainly aspire to be a better husband and father, just about every day. I know that I am imperfect, and that there are many areas of my life that offer ample room for improvement. Like millions of Americans who periodically peruse the self-help and self-improvement literature in their local libraries, and who start every year with a long list of new resolutions, I want to be a better person. But change is not easy.
* * *
A few weeks ago I had a rare chance to go to the movies with my son, Noah - just the two of us, father and son, an opportunity for “male bonding.” The movie we watched was one he had selected, called “Whiplash.” It’s the story of a 19 year-old jazz drummer named Andrew Neiman, who is a music student at a highly respected conservatory in New York City. Neiman dreams of becoming a world-famous drummer. He practices furiously and feverishly, in order to meet the daunting demands of his instructor, a man named Fletcher.
The movie seemed particularly relevant for us, because Noah is also a jazz music student, who hopes to become an accomplished performer. Early on in the movie there is a scene where Neiman and his supportive father are sitting in a movie theater, sharing a bag of popcorn. Noah and I looked at each other with a grin, because we were sitting in a movie theater negotiating how to share our bag of popcorn, watching them negotiate how to share their bag of popcorn.
Sadly, the movie isn’t about the heart-warming relationship between a son and his supportive father. The movie is all about the highly charged relationship between the music instructor and his student. Fletcher’s teaching style is cruel and confrontational. He is manipulative, abusive, and demeaning. Fletcher believes that by radically challenging his students, taunting them, telling them they are pathetic failures, he will inspire the most dedicated and talented of them to reach unimagined heights of musical skill. The students that aren’t destined for greatness, of course, will break down under the pressure. But the best of them will become even better.
Fletcher believes it is his duty to wage a merciless psychological war on his students, relentlessly pushing them to perform better and better. He doesn’t settle for adequacy, he demands excellence. His pedagogy is memorably captured, when he says: There are no two words in the English language more harmful than “good job.”
I don’t want to give away the ending, but suffice to say, the hero, Andrew Neiman, remains true to his dream. And while I doubt my son would like to be subjected to the kind of torture Andrew Neiman endured, he did thoroughly enjoy movie. Though in many ways painful to watch, it left him feeling exhilarated and inspired.
* * *
What is it that inspires us to change for the better? What is it that helps us make our dreams come true?
Should we silently recite the words “Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better,” until we feel we are indeed improving? Should we focus on the progress we have made, so we can repeat it and reinforce it?
Or is the sense of satisfaction we get when we have done a “good job” the beginning of our undoing? “There are no two words in the English language more harmful than ‘good job,’” Fletchers says. Is this a joke?
The implication seems to be, that only a profound sense of our essential inadequacy will motivate us to do better. Only an overwhelming sense of our inferiority will inspire a superior effort. Or to take this idea from the realm of music to religious practice, it seems as if the fervor with which we profess our sinfulness, is in direct proportion to the purity of our virtue and the depth of our devotion. And so the bishop, the priest, and the sexton compare and compete, each hoping to be a greater sinner, and thus more likely to be a greater saint.
* * *
It seems crazy not to celebrate our success, as we make incremental progress toward our chosen life goals. And yet psychologists say this is exactly what we should do. Kelly McGonigal says, a sense of success inhibits progress and weakens our resolve. Whenever we savor the single step we have taken forward, we are more inclined to follow up by taking two steps back.
She explains it like this: Whenever we attempt to cultivate better and healthier habits, we are pitching two parts of our brain against each other. One part of our brain is concerned about our long-term interests (whether losing weight, saving money, or fulfilling our life goals), the other part wants to satisfy our immediate impulses (whether eating that piece of chocolate, buying that nice new jacket, or spending hours on the sofa watching trashy TV). When we make momentary progress toward our long-term goals, that part of our brain satisfied and takes a break. And the brain then turns its attention to the goal that has not yet been satisfied, and yields to the voice of self-indulgence.
* * *
Most people consider progress good. This is especially true for Unitarian Universalists. One of the hallmarks of our liberal faith, is that it is progressive. We believe in progress. We believe we can be better people. We believe we can make the world a better place.
Centuries ago, unlike our Christian contemporaries, who believed that humans were all sinners and most were destined for eternal damnation, our forebears believed humans were essentially good, and that all people were destined for universal salvation. Today we express this belief, when we affirm the inherent worth and dignity of every person.
Are psychologists saying our affirmation of human progress actually holds us back? Is our very hopefulness its own undoing? It would seem so.
McGonigal writes, “Although it runs counter to everything we believe about achieving our goals, focusing on progress can hold us back from success. That’s not to say that progress itself is a problem. The problem with progress is how it makes us feel – and even then, it’s only a problem if we listen to the feeling instead of sticking to our goals.”
“Progress can be motivating, and even inspire future self-control,” she says, “but only if you view your actions as evidence that you are committed to your goal. In other words, you need to look at what you have done and conclude that you really must care about your goal, so much so that you want to do even more to reach it. This perspective is easy to adopt; it’s just not our usual mindset. More typically, we look for the reason to stop.”
In order to get better and better, we need to focus on our commitment to the goals that lie before us, rather than the progress behind us. One easy and effective way to do this is to remind ourselves why we are trying to change.
McGonigal recounts a study in which researchers asked a group of students to remember a time when they successfully turned down a temptation, and resisted their urge for immediate gratification. Similar to other studies, as a consequence of pondering their past virtue, the students’ moral resolve faltered. 70 percent of them took the next opportunity to indulge in some version of choosing the chocolate bar over the healthy apple.
But when the students were asked to remember why in the past they had resisted temptation, their moral resolve remained strong – 69 percent resisted the next temptation. Simply raising the question “why?,” served to remind them of a greater meaning, and the consequences of their actions. And like magic, this boosted the students’ self-control, and helped them make choices consistent with their overall goals.
“Remembering “why” works,” McGonigal says, “because it changes how you feel about the reward of self-indulgence. That so-called treat will start to look more like the threat to your goals that it is, and giving in won’t look so good.” Her simple advice is: The next time you find yourself using past good behavior to justify indulging in bad habits, pause and remember the why.
* * *
What is it we are trying to achieve? What is our vision of a better life? What would it look like to be a better partner, a better parent, a better person? What would it look like if we were perpetually taking part in an ongoing effort to build a better world? And most importantly: Why are we trying to get better and better?
One way to think about it is that we are each in our own small way trying to help repair the world. Tikkun olam is the phrase in the Jewish tradition. This idea - and the myth of the ten vessels – was conceived by the sixteenth century rabbi Isaac Luria. Luria was born 42 years after the expulsion of the Jews from Spain in 1492. His life was shaped by the experience of exile. The myth of the ten vessels was an attempt to find a new sense of religious meaning, in light of a challenging past.
“Instead of seeing their exile in far-flung countries as a punishment,” Howard Schwartz writes, “the myth explained that God had put them in those places for a purpose – to gather the sparks [of holy light]. This gathering took place whenever a person performed good deeds, [which helped repair] the world. Eventually the world would be restored to pristine condition.” In this way the expulsion from Spain was turned into a blessing.
Tikkun olam, he says, “proposes that everyone should do their part in trying to improve the world by becoming environmentally aware, by seeking peace, and by living one’s life with the awareness of the needs of others.”
Our children’s story this morning tells us, every time we do a good deed, one of the sparks is set free. When we plant a tree, a spark rises up. When we help our neighbors, we can see a spark in their eyes. When we are kind to animals and the earth, a spark of kindness enters the world. And little by little we make the world a better place. One day, when enough of these sparks have been gathered, there will be peace in the world.
* * *
“Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better,” is a familiar saying. It is a fine mantra. But whether it serves to inspire self-improvement or self-delusion really depends on us.
Will we recite this mantra simply as a feel-good recipe, or as a demand for action? Will we settle for past progress, or will we strengthen our resolve to create the future of our dreams? Will our accomplishments foster a sense of self-satisfaction, or will they deepen our commitment to reach our highest goals?
Every day, in every way, we can fulfill a higher purpose. Every day, in every way, we can serve a greater good. Every day, in every way, we can find sparks of the sacred in star light and in silence, and in the snow – “its white rhetoric everywhere/ calling us back to why, how,/ whence such beauty and what/ the meaning…”
Every day, in every way, we can be better and better.
May we have the wisdom to somewhere see the path
that leads us to a better future.
And may we have the courage to follow it.
Amen.
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