-- Krishnamurti
Opening Words:
It was Mother Teresa who said:
“Love cannot remain by itself – it has no meaning.
Love has to be put into action and that action is service.
Whatever form we are,
Able or disabled, rich or poor,
It is not how much we do,
But how much love we put in the doing [that matters.]”
Let us join for worship in gratitude that whoever we are
We all have the capacity to share our love.
Reading: by the congregational consultant Rem Stokes from Cultivating Generosity: Giving What’s Right, Not What’s Left (p. xvi)
Money is a delicate subject. When I was a kid, it was considered to be in bad taste to discuss sex, politics, religion or money. Well, times have changed. One taboo after another has fallen. Sex is now about as explicit as it can get in… movies, magazines and music. Politics are on the front page of every newspaper… Religion has bolted out of the closet and extremist words like fundamentalism… and terrorism have become part of everyday language.
But not money! Money may be the last great taboo. Money may be the toughest of all walls we build with doors that are locked and dead-bolted from the inside. Somehow our psychological worth and self-image are bound up in money.
Reading: by the activist fund-raiser Lynne Twist from The Soul of Money: Transforming Your Relationship With Money and Life (p. 17)
Each of us experiences a life-long tug of war between our money interests and the calling of our soul. When we’re in the domain of the soul, we act with integrity. We are thoughtful and generous, … courageous, and committed. We recognize the value of love and friendship. We admire a small thing well done. We experience moments of awe in the presence of nature and its unrefined beauty. We are open, vulnerable, and heartful. We have the capacity to be moved, and generosity is natural. We are trustworthy and trusting of others… We feel at peace within ourselves and confident that we are part of a larger more universal experience, something greater than ourselves.
When we enter the domain of money, there often seems to be a disconnect from the soulful person we have known ourselves to be. It is as if we are suddenly transported to a different playing field where all the rules have changed. In the grip of money, those wonderful qualities of soul seem to be less available. We become smaller… We often grow selfish, greedy, petty, fearful, or controlling, or sometimes confused, conflicted or guilty. We see ourselves as winners or losers, powerful or helpless, and we let those labels deeply define us…
The result is a deep division in our way of being… This dichotomy, this break with our truth, not only confuses us around the issue of money; it also keeps us from integrating our inner and outer worlds to experience wholeness in our lives, the exquisite moment when we feel at peace in the moment, a part of and one with life.
Reading: by the great Indian poet Rabindranath Tagore (from Lover’s Gift and Crossing p. 126)
I lived on the shady side of the road and watched my neighbors’ gardens across the way reveling in sunshine.
I felt I was poor, and from door to door went with my hunger.
The more they gave me from their careless abundance the more I became aware of my beggar’s bowl.
Till one morning I awoke from my sleep at the sudden opening of my door, and you came and asked for alms.
In despair I broke the lid of my chest open and was startled into finding my own wealth.
Open Minds, Loving Hearts, Helping Hands
A Sermon Delivered on February 15, 2015
By
The Reverend Axel H. Gehrmann
This is the church of the open mind. (hold open hands to head) This is the church of the helping hands. (extend open hands in front of yourself) This is the church of the loving heart. (cross open hands over heart)
These are words and motions from our children’s the chalice lighting. And this is what our faith is all about: learning how to open our minds and hearts, and extend our hands to others. This is what we try to teach our children. And to be perfectly honest, this is what I try to teach myself. That’s why I come to church: to be inspired by a spirit of wisdom, compassion, and service in all I do. That’s what I strive to discover and rediscover every week.
In the course of our Unitarian Universalist liturgical year, when it comes to keeping an open mind, few weeks are more challenging than this week. And few Sundays are trickier than today. Today is our annual Stewardship Kick Off. It is the day we dare to talk about the last of the great taboos: money!
I know money-talk makes a lot of us uneasy. So let me break the ice by telling you right from the get-go what the final message of today’s sermon will be (to the tune of “Holy, Holy, Holy;” words by Bill Donovan):
Money! Money! Money! / Our church needs your money! / We won’t grow unless you give / Enthusiastically!...
You know we’re not wealthy, / Pledges keep us healthy, / Please pledge with love and / Generosity!
* * *
For many of us, money is a loaded issue. And what makes this even trickier is that for each of us, it is loaded slightly differently. The psychologist Olivia Mellan identifies nine distinct money-related personality types. Think about which one you might be:
First there’s the Spender who enjoys spending money to buy things for immediate pleasure. Then there’s the Hoarder, who likes to save money and has a hard time spending it, especially for luxury items. Third, the Binger is a combination of the Hoarder and the Spender, this one saves and saves and then blows the wad all at once. Then there’s the Monk who thinks money is dirty and bad. Fifth, we have the Avoider who feels incompetent and overwhelmed by money details. Sixth, the Amasser is happiest with a lot of money, and equates money with self-worth and power. Seventh is the Worrier who, regardless of the amount of money he or she has worries about money all the time. Eighth is the Risk Taker who enjoys the thrill of financial risk, regardless of the outcome. And ninth is the Risk Avoider who enjoys safety and security above all else. Taking a financial risk feels like jumping off a cliff.
What do you think? Which one are you? … When I ponder my own personality type, I think at different times and different stages of my life I have embodied all nine of them.
Often we are most aware of our own attitudes, when we compare them with someone else’s. So, for instance, this is an issue in the vast majority of committed relationships. This is something I point out to young couples, who are planning to get married. If you don’t watch out, arguments about money can become a serious source of marital conflict.
In my marriage with Elaine, over the course of our twenty-five years together, it has become abundantly clear that we have real differences when it comes to money. We are each shaped by our respective family backgrounds and cultures. You may have heard of the stereotype that Germans are very cautious and conservative when it comes to money, especially in contrast with the more adventurous American spirit. Well let me tell you, it’s true.
But luckily, our differences are manageable. If you imagine a continuum with the most miserly hoarder on one side, and the most excessive spender on the other, Elaine and I are pretty close together, pretty much in the middle. But sometimes, when we are stuck in a disagreement, focusing only on each other, it can feel as if we were on the far opposite ends of the spectrum.
* * *
Most of us have a hard time talking about money. For some reason, talk of money creates walls between us, and doors slammed shut, and locked and dead-bolted from the inside. Why is that?
Rem Stokes thinks we are afraid that talking about money will reveal aspects of ourselves we would rather keep hidden. We are afraid money is a mirror that reflects some inner secrets about who we are and what we believe, and that discussing them is embarrassing.
Rem Stokes links our anxiety about money to our inner child. Somewhere within each of us there is the spirit of a small child, impulsive and indulgent, needy and never satisfied. The inner child is at the heart of our sense of scarcity, and the fear that we won’t have enough money satisfy all our wants and wishes. And so, regardless of how much we have, we forever strive to acquire more and more.
“I know I have an indulgent child living in my adult body who influences my decisions,” he writes.
“The rational adult in me knows I should buy a modest home so I will not deplete the planet’s resources for the future…. And so I will have money left to share with those in greater need. But the child in me says to buy the biggest, loveliest home possible, commit to the biggest mortgage and enjoy.
“The same discussion holds true for cars, clothes, vacations and everything every time. The child in me says: “Keep it for yourself... You need it… You deserve [the] $70 after-shave… You can afford the $5,000 cruise. Be good to yourself. You only go around once. Just do it. The winner [in life] gets all the toys.” (p. 98)
The adult, of course, knows better. The adult knows there is more to life than toys. The adult wants to make a difference in the lives of other people. The adult knows that true happiness is found by serving, by caring, by sharing with other people.
In Rem Stokes’s mind, the adult and the inner child are perpetually battling with each other. The adult believes in life’s abundance, the child is driven by a fear of scarcity.
Lynne Twist has a sense of a similar internal battle, a life-long tug of war between our money interests and the calling of our soul. When we are in the grip of money, convinced that it will always be scarce, we grow smaller, we become petty and fearful.
When we are mindful of the enlightened dimensions of the soul, we are able to loosen our tight-fisted grip, we can be open and heartful. We can recognize the value of love and friendship. We can experience moments of awe in the presence of beauty. And we realize that the myth of scarcity is a lie.
The fearful child within us imagines that if we give away what we have, we will remain empty-handed. And thus the child sits sad and lonely behind the walls fear have built, and behind doors locked and dead-bolted from the inside.
But the adult knows that when we open our minds, open our hearts, and open our hands to others, when we loosen our grip, we will realize that we have more than we need to survive. We have more than we need to thrive. And the more we give away, the more clearly we will see the over-abundance that is already ours.
* * *
Now some religious traditions encourage the faithful to give away everything. The Buddha was a prince, who gave up all his riches and his life in the palace to live as an ascetic in the woods. Jesus told a rich young man to sell all his possessions and give all his money to the poor. This is not my recommendation for you.
A few years ago the Salwen family, from Atlanta, Georgia, made national news headlines, when they decided to sell their big house – a historic mansion in downtown Atlanta – buy a smaller and more modest home with half the money, and give the other half to charity. They ended up donating $800,000 to help provide basic health services to 40 villages in Ghana. For the family, this radical act was transformative and profoundly rewarding. They wrote a book about their experience called The Power of Half: One Family’s Decision to Stop Taking and Start Giving Back. But giving away half of your wealth is not my recommendation for you.
Instead, I would ask you to consider the advice John D. Rockefeller gave his sons. John D. Rockefeller, one of most generous and certainly the richest man in the world, told his sons, however much or little they earn, they should be sure to give 10% away – “so that you can look in the mirror and know that there is something more important to you than yourself,” he said.
Rem Stokes is a big believer in Rockefeller’s approach. A responsible model for personal finance, he says, is this: dedicate 10% of your income to charity, invest 15% for retirement; and use the remaining 75% to support the lifestyle of your choice.
Stokes doesn’t say you have to give those 10% to your church, although that is a good idea. Those 10% should support institutions that embody your values and build community – whether libraries, schools, NPR, or yes, even your church. The point is it should go to something other than yourself.
There is an important psychological benefit to managing our money this way. The majority of our money, which we use to support our lifestyle, never seems to be enough. Experience has shown that no matter how much we earn, our expenses, when left unchecked, have a stubborn habit of always exceeding our income. Money always feels tight. Money is always a worry, no matter how much we have.
But if we put aside 10% first, we can be sure to have some experience of what it is like to live in affluence, to give money away, to be truly and joyfully generous. This provides a desperately needed corrective to our perpetual fretting about making ends meet with the majority of our money. So that’s what I do. I put aside 10%, and practice the “UU Tithe”: 5% to this church, and 5% to other worthy causes.
“In giving you feel strangely enriched rather than deprived,” Stokes says. “It gives rise to a whole new set of emotions. You experience the joy of being responsible and helpful. You have assumed a Mother Teresa mentality in this significant corner of your money dealings, [and] over time, you will find yourself increasing the percentage you allocate.”
* * *
Most of us have a hard time talking about money, but not everyone does. Lynne Twist says she loves to ask people for money. For her, fundraising is certainly hard work, but it is sacred work. It is a rare and powerful opportunity to be in meaningful conversation with others about their highest commitments and deepest values. In her experience, all around the globe, she has found that people everywhere want to contribute their money to make a difference in the world. And when they do so, they discover new dimensions of their own wealth. This is true of people who live below the poverty line as well as billionaires – their eyes are opened. Their minds, and hearts and hands – are opened.
“One of the great dynamics of money is that it grounds us, and when we put money behind our commitments it grounds them, too, making them real in the world” Lynne Twist says. Money allows our dreams to become realities.
* * *
Talking about money isn’t easy for me. Somewhere within me there is a Hoarder, a Monk and an Avoider. Choosing to freely give away my hard-earned cash isn’t easy, because there is Worrier inside of me. And there is a child within, forever needy and afraid. All these voices tell me to build walls, to slam doors shut, and to keep them locked and dead-bolted from the inside.
But this is not the way I want to live. I want to trust a different voice: the calling of my soul. I want to heed the voice of friendship and love, the voice of courage and commitment, the voice that is awed by the world’s beauty and abundance. I want to live life guided by a voice of wisdom, kindness, and compassion.
That’s why I come to here. That’s why I support this place. To be reminded of deeper truths, and my own vision of health and wholeness, of justice and love.
May we all be inspired here to open our minds, and our hearts, and our hands,
So that together we can create the world of our dreams.
Amen.
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